Sunday, July 24, 2016
Right Deeds for the Wrong Reasons~ T. S. Eliot
Turbulent Sea & CC
My heart bleeds when I think about your sufferings. Moreover, because I know that you are a kind of innocent girl. Even before you have reconciled with the grief, it strikes you again in some other form. Your determination melts like a cube of ice melts in hot summer. You said, "I never thought I would give in but he touched me the right way." It implies that you gave in because you were touched in the right way. Nothing else mattered for you. No emotions, no commitments are required. You have become an automated device that anybody with the correct password can operate.
You have literally shocked me out of breath by this message
"V**** Now I'm in Varanasi and everything is catching up to me I think and I'm tired. I can't think straight. I can't make decisions. I am short tempered and making everything so much more complicated than they have to be. I feel I can't trust anybody lately. I have been cheated too many times. So I feel resentful, dismissive. I can't sit still, so many things are playing on my mind but I'm numb. As vulnerable as ever. Recently I spent some time with an Indian boy. I never thought I would give in but he touched me the right way. He's married to a girl from Russia... Surprise, surprise, again, I'm the mistress."
Confusions and contradictions are the stepping stones to Truth. You said, "You need to hear the truth from me"; but I think you already know the truth. You only need my confirmation. I cannot confirm it for you. Buddha said, "Be your own lamp." If you wish to overlook the obvious, it is up to you.
Travel with caution. The journey on the path of Truth is not safe.
Cheating has many dimensions. The more you trust, the more vulnerable you are. To cheat in revenge is more heinous than to cheat on impulse. Those who do not cheat are only good liars. Simple or lovable liars. So far the relationship is mutually beneficial, we trust the lies. When we believe that it is over, we blame. Everyone is a cheater if the sequence of events is reversed and sensations are felt in space only.
Suppression makes us vulnerable. It works like a spring. You have to uncoil yourself from time to time. When you constantly avoid right people, you end up with the wrong kind of people. The right people are not persuasive, the wrong people are. Wrong people have expertise in exploiting the vulnerable people and situations. We need stronger will power to dissuade them.
Mistress is no longer a short-term relationship. It is also a sensible kind of relationship, which has all the benefits of marriage without being bondage. Mistresses have played a great role in history and literature. It is too early to confess and feel guilty of being a mistress. You do not confirm to the definition, think of something else.
This word is coined by patriarchal society to degrade the women who rebel against the middle class mentality and the norms of morality. It requires a lot of courage and strength of character to be a mistress. However, I am more intrigued when I imagine about the Russian wife of the Indian boy.
It could be a harsh thing for me to say, but make it sure that you are not taking a revenge of your father's deeds.
CC, don't burn yourself in the fire of your past. All the efforts that you do in order to come out of marsh drag you deeper. Remember what T. S. Eliot said " action is suffering, and suffering is action". All action leads to some kind of suffering, and then any efforts made to decrease suffering would only enhance it. Be kind to your sufferings CC, and endure them passively.
Just do not tease me. First, you went away when you could have stayed. Second, you stayed in a town so close to mine for long and did not accept my invitation. I am hurt, but I am not offended. I have patience. My virtues will be rewarded at the proper time.
You can come and stay here as long as you want. Right deeds for the wrong reasons are not appreciated. Do it for right reason, such as to collect your mojo.
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© Vipin Behari Goyal